Olivia woke up Sunday morning, right eye swollen. She was scared. She was frustrated. The last week, her eye had started to look normal again, her eyes were clear, swelling had drastically reduced. I think that we all get scared when things like this happen with her.
She wasn’t running a fever.
She didn’t have puss or crust on her eye.
Her eye wasn’t hot feeling making us think it was an infection.
I won’t lie, it hit me HARD! I felt defeated, I felt mom guilt.
I had taken the girls to the pool on Saturday. New swim-cap to protect her head scar and new "more comfortable" goggles that didn’t hurt the scar near her eye.
I cried.
I leaned on friends.
I left the house.
I hugged my girls.
I prayed.
Yesterday morning, Kevin and I weren’t sure what we were going to wake up to - more swelling, vision issues, fear and anger. But it was ok…she woke up happy. Her eye was still swollen but a little better than Sunday.
Kevin took Olivia to clinic; I’m so grateful for him. Olivia’s oncologist looked at her eye and felt it was due to the pressure from her new goggles. We sent her ophthalmologist the pictures we had taken as we were monitoring her eye from the past two days. He wasn’t overly concerned either but stated he could see us this week if we wanted or we can continue to monitor and reach back out if necessary. So, we will monitor.
Having a child with cancer is hard.
Having to see her not do things she loves and wants to do is hard.
Having to assure her that everything is going to be ok when you aren’t sure it will be is hard.
Having mom guilt is hard (and so real!!!) but TODAY, I breathe a sigh of relief that we aren’t facing an aggressive rhabdomyosarcoma tumor reappearing!
#Oliviastrong
First posted on the OliviaStrong Facebook page.